Anthem for the Day

Between apathy and occasional pain in the aorta, I rediscovered the song composed by Yan Yuzon of the Mongols, It’s over. Oh well, what can I say. If I will ever write a song or a poem, this would be IT.

IT’S OVER

Felt like fate but a little late
To chase a dream you can’t create
Sure we could’ve made it to the end
But this I say in my defense

Guess time to go is time to grow
And time to challenge what you know
I’m not constrained by the constraints
That trap you in your fucking game

And I still hear him calling out my name
But those days are gone and time has flown
We’ll never ever be the same

You had your tears for all your fears
I had to take the wheel and steer
This was all I had and it was getting faked
No time to learn from your mistakes

So we packed our bags and let you drive
Was I gonna wait till I survived?
With all the hazards up ahead
What could I have done instead?

Calling
Calling out
Calling
Calling me down

So hold my hand
We’ll take a bow
The world can do without us now
When the curtain’s open for another show
You could give a call but
But I’ll just say – Hey
I’ll just say – Hey, It’s over.

Thursday's Euphoric Melancholia

I miss Soundgarden! One of those bands that kept me up during my high school days. It was actually Chris Cornell's Euphoria Morning that made me remember the good old Soundgarden. I adore Chris Cornell. Genius! I am not much of an Audioslave fan but i got their new album, great songs, Dandelion's my favorite. I'm listening to Spoonman now, "save me, i'm together with your plan" I never mellowed. i'm not sure if i ever will.

God, it's already December. Got my ticket already for my vacation. The ticket price made me curse the government's expansionary fiscal policy. Damn! E-vat - Tax You! (with my middle finger straight out) I'm trying to supress my excitement because i may run out of it when it's time for me to go home. Hah! I miss my parents. I long to see their faces when they fetch me in the airport. they usually wake up at around 4am to prepare. I love them! My mom's got her feet broken from our slippery veranda last July; stayed at home for a month and experienced boredom for the first time in her life. I called her up frequently and she complained about not having anything to do but count the falling leaves in our old mango tree. I told her just imagine how i felt after college when i stayed home and decided living hermit-like for eight months. Books, music, and coffee saved my life then. God, felt like yesterday!

After two geological ages, i finally found Chris Cornell's Sunshower and downloaded it. I adore the song. It's one of the songs in the Great Expectations' Soundtrack. The song is sad but sweet at the same time, "cuts like anguish, or recollections of better days gone by..." Been playing the song whole day with some audioslave tracks in between. It's 12:20, time to have some lunch of my staple food, that is wheat bread and chicken. still thinking if i will watch the NU rock awards tomorrwo. I still have some assignment in Mathematical Economics. Hah, i never thought there is such an existing subject as this. so melancholic.

But it's alright, all we will be we are today.

Predictable

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STARS

I love stargazing. Unfortunately, I can't do this much often now here in Manila since the sky here is obscure, may stars pa bah sa San Juan? I miss Kabankalan with all its laid-back vastness and clear sky (big dipper north of nowhere). I've been watching switchfoot's star video for two weeks now that made me salivate to score their new album soon: Nothing is Sound. Stars is a clever song. i love the guitars, i love the lyrics, i love every part of it. the lyrics are so honest; kun sa ilonggo pa, igo gid bala haw! "maybe i've been the problem, maybe i'm the one to blame, maybe i'm overcast..." i think most of us are like that, thinking that the center of the universe is on us. but then it also talks about our world in the perspective of the stars looking down on earth - but when i look at the stars, i feel like myself." when we look at the stars it makes us realize how small and insignificant we are in the light of the infinite...whew! I'll buy the album this evening. I can't sleep... i can't wait!

when i look at the stars, i feel like myself.

Smoking Thoreau

As i was looking back on the past obscure days of September, Thoreau's words keep me up, "I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his/her dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he/she has imagined, he/she will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He/She will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he/she will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he/she simplifies his/her life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."

Will rise like a phoenix!

Time, Is Never Time at All Without Leaving a Piece of Youth...

I had this sudden urge last night to dig some old records long kept in the closet. It was right in there, contained in my old converse chuck Taylor shoe box, so nostalgic. Got hold of the Melloncollie and the Infinite Sadness album of Smashing Pumpkins, my God, that was 1995, still in high school and addicted to Billy Corgan. For whatever reason, Zero became an anthem, “I’m your lover, I’m your zero, I’m the face in your dreams of glass…wanna go for a ride?” it was so euphoric, just sitting in the floor, with Billy Corgan’s wail on the background, dreaming about better days… Wake up, wake up! I don’t know if I’m in a better position now to talk about the recent break-up of my four-year relationship. I’m trying not to be melodramatic you know. God, four years is relatively long. Ours was really a tough case to break, what can I say. For all its worth, no regrets, I think I can bet my life in saying that I really loved well, even beyond myself. I did everything that I can do, even turned around several times just to make it work. but then it’s a relationship, and if the other one stop relating, the end is inevitable. We really had good times together though and maybe when we will look back from all these, I wish I will be remembered as somebody who sees through him and understands him, more than anybody does, and maybe more than he understands himself. Sorry to disappoint those who expect hateful words or curses and hell, I’d rather throw all those words in the black hole. I want to remember the good old person I used to know and fell in love with; simple, honest, and uncomplicated. I still say thank you. Until now, i could only say so much about its lessons, or just about its demise. May it be profound or mundane; I guess I'm learning, little by little, that we decide what our lives are going to be. Things happen to us, but it is our reactions that matter. I remember this episode in Felicity where Felicity’s high school teacher told her “I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything. I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us, and that our mission is to never let it.” I don’t want to be hardened. I’d rather be whole than hard. As I look at myself now, I feel better, maybe because I was able to come out from all of these stronger and whole. I’m slightly bent but I hope into a better shape. I am still wearing the same sweet smile and the beautiful soul. It’s over and done and maybe when I look back about this, perhaps I will just say, “piece of cake.” God, I feel all grown up! I’ll get myself another cup of coffee.