Sympathy

I have barely three months to prepare for my comprehensive exams and i have not started any form of review. I expect sleepless nights a month before the compre. Indolence at its best. I intend to graduate October but the way things are going, it's near to impossible. I have to pass my comprehensive exams, at the very least. I'm thriving in an orderly chaotic life with lots of Taking Back Sunday, Bomberman, and almost weekly provincial field work. I had a close encounter with tarsiers last Wednesday when i went to Bohol. They look friendly, or rather bored. The caretaker said that they were sleepy, hah, at least they have big eyes to fake it. Since they are nocturnal creatures, they're supposed to sleep during daytime. But they're forced to be awake so as not to let down the visitors who came from far places just to see their big eyes batting. My heart goes for the tarsiers.

Bye, Bye Kurt...So it goes...

I received a text message from my best buddy, Karen, informing that Kurt Vonnegut died at 84. We lost a literary hero. With books like Breakfast of the Champions, Slaugtherhouse –Five, and others, Vonnegut’s writings made our College days tolerable; satiated our hunger for real literary experience. I remember the time when I borrowed Breakfast of the Champions in the library; the book was old since it was still published in 1973 but when I read the first few pages, I became an instant Vonnegut-convert. Karen and I cannot get enough of Dwayne Hoover and Kilgore Trout’s characters. For a week or so, we think, write, and feel like Kilgore Trout, sketching anything we can think of in my “green book”, like Trout’s girl’s underpants. With lines like “If you want to hurt your parents but don’t have the guts to be a homosexual, go to the arts instead”, we were hooked. We followed Kurt’s life and writings, even to the point of emulating him. In one of his writings, he made some comments about getting old. For someone who once attempted suicide, he regards death from old age as a semi-colon, not a period (as what he thought Hemingway did when he committed suicide). In most of his writings, he never failed to mention about the pains of getting old. The only thing he said that stops him from committing suicide again is because he wants to set a good example to his children. Vonnegut once said that of all the ways to die, he'd prefer to go out in an airplane crash on the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro. He died from brain injuries after a recent fall from his Manhattan home. We are crestfallen. It made me remember one of his thoughts about death from his novel Slaugtherhouse Five. It captures everything:
The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just that way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever.

So they finally took notice....

Martin Scorsese finally won an Oscar! To say that it was unexpected is an understatement. I am a Scorsese fan and when I heard that he’s directing The Departed, the Hollywood adaptation of Infernal Affairs, it was a sweet anticipation. Having seen Scorsese’s previous films like Gangs of New York, Raging Bull, The Taxi, etc., The Departed, although chic and precisely made (with a fabulous casts), somehow lack the “winnability” to win an Oscar. He could have won many years ago with his more intense films. Still, I think Scorsese’s first Oscar is long overdue and the many years of going home empty handed had compounded many times over. It’s a guilt-free victory.

sullen thoughts....

There are varied reasons why people are holding on to us and would not let us go. Sometimes, it is not only that we are good, or nice, or generous, but rather it is more about their dependency, their psychological need that sadly, could never be satiated. Well of course, it’s always easy to let go of someone who does not serve whatever kind of purpose. Since our organization is undergoing some major movement in terms of structure, it follows that people, as part of that organization, should also be a part of that step forward. My boss, whom I regard dearly, would not let me go for the mere reason that she just can’t. I think that it’s not because that we were together for a long time, or I could write (her thoughts), or she needs my thesis to evaluate her program, or that I’m polite or respectful. I always believe that no one is indispensable. Our country has a surplus of talented and intelligent people who could write and speak excellent English, make and analyze intricate plans, and are well-motivated. She plans of putting or continuing the same organization with only the three of us (another officemate). She did not even ask if I’m interested with the prospect. She laid my future, for at least three years, to fit her own needs; meanwhile, suspending my life. I was caught red handed; unable to speak nor to react. She really had her way with people. I felt helpless. It is just so ironic that for someone who advocates for human rights could not let her thoughts be heard and just went blank. My head is throbbing and I think caffeine could not save me this time.

Farm Fairy Days '06

10-7-06

The book launching of lola went well. Few people attended, expectedly. Since the book does not contain anything related to sex, music, or standard novel plot, it’s a very technical read. During the dedication part, she made this really intended stunt, which I expected even before she opened her mouth. “I also thank Sister Lasalette for painstakingly……” Oh yeah, I saw it coming. They were so happy about it saying that those were prophetic words of some sort. Was it really prophetic or apocalyptic? They never gave up recruiting me. I don’t know what they saw in me that made them think I fit the perpetually chaste life.

I was absent from class again. It really worries me since they took integral calculus that spells doom. Dr. Tatlonghari thought that I was absent because I was avoiding my Development Eco report. Even my excuse letter that explicitly says that I am suffering from a bad case of LBM did not suffice. Haha. He became a PhD for nothing.

Still have to refine my report. I have an overdose of Karl Marx, David Ricardo, Schumpeter, and Adam Smith. How I wish they are just members of rock bands; my life could have been easier.

Audioslave have a new album just released, Revelation. I’m not sure if Francis Reyes already featured this on his New Album Review on NU, hopefully not yet. I was able to listen to some of the tracks; politically charged lyrics. Maybe I’m still stuck to Chris Cornells’ Euphoria Morning that it took a while to accept that he is now “raging.”

Integral calculus is so sleep-inducing, huummm. Nyt.

Diary of a Faithful Urbandub Minion

I am a huge Urbandub fan for so long but it was only last week that I saw them played live. When Come from their Birth album was released several years ago, I became and instant Urbandub-convert. So when Rock U was set (sponsored by MISA-Ateneo) and I have no Saturday class the next day, it was such a sweet opportunity.

After three geological ages, my friend and I arrived at the venue. The venue was Dish which was quite good because the audio was perfect. There were several bands lined up for the night—Mojofly, Chicosci, Updharam Down, and of course Urbandub. The show started at 9:30, quite on time from their schedule. Two college bands played (Rugis and Spaceground?) They were good. One of the vocalists sounds like a cross between Audioslave and Pearljam without the angst. The place was full of hormonally-driven college kids. I think the average age of the crowd was 19, hah. What can I say, it served us right. I promised myself to be sober. I want to have this natural high. ChicoSci played first. I could still remember singing “Paris” at the top of my lunges many years ago, ‘Could I be so affected…will I stay on your mind, why am I so infected…” They were still known as ChicoScience before. God, their good and loud! I can’t believe that they played Paris (much to my delight), I felt like I just went out from college. I so love ChicoSci. They also played A Promise, one of my favorites. The crowd started huddling and jumping in front of the stage. Mojofly played next. Lougee is so enchanting on stage. They played the crowds’ favorite, Minamamalas, Tumatakbo, Mata, and this new Conditioner commercial jingle (which was okay because I’m using the same conditioner, hehehe). Updharma Down was the next one to play. I was able to watch their album launching produced by Terno production several months ago. They really played well. They have this distinct sound and style that is both catchy and peculiar. They’re one of the good bands that came out this year. I can’t wait for Urbandub to be on the stage. It’s more than two years that I had a real slam so I resolved to be near the stage and have a real slamming experience, nevermind if I wear a mini and a two-inch sandals. Nothing can stop me. After the sweet and slow anticipation, they came up the stage, loud and whole. To say that I was starstruck was an understatement. My mind went blank. They played several of songs, mostly from their Influence and Embrace album. The crowed was in a trance. They played Sailing, A New Tatoo, Frailty, Alert the Armory, Endless a Silent Whisper, Soul Searching, First of Summer, Safety in Numbers, etc…It was more than I expected. Everybody was ecstatic, high, and loud. If my memory serves me right, they played Alert the Armory first. My friend was already a bit tipsy but happy and well. We’re so lost in the songs. Somehow, Urbandub’s songs convey basic human thoughts and feelings, both transcending and mundane. And I am not being subjective. My feet were aching and my throat strained, but I can still last forever if only they had played more songs. So how can I end this? Maybe a line from their Endless, A Silent Whisper will sum up how good the night was.

“The world it turns with us
Hold me in closer, don’t let go of me
Now we close our eyes and let go to the night
The night we feel alive.”