10-7-06

The book launching of lola went well. Few people attended, expectedly. Since the book does not contain anything related to sex, music, or standard novel plot, it’s a very technical read. During the dedication part, she made this really intended stunt, which I expected even before she opened her mouth. “I also thank Sister Lasalette for painstakingly……” Oh yeah, I saw it coming. They were so happy about it saying that those were prophetic words of some sort. Was it really prophetic or apocalyptic? They never gave up recruiting me. I don’t know what they saw in me that made them think I fit the perpetually chaste life.

I was absent from class again. It really worries me since they took integral calculus that spells doom. Dr. Tatlonghari thought that I was absent because I was avoiding my Development Eco report. Even my excuse letter that explicitly says that I am suffering from a bad case of LBM did not suffice. Haha. He became a PhD for nothing.

Still have to refine my report. I have an overdose of Karl Marx, David Ricardo, Schumpeter, and Adam Smith. How I wish they are just members of rock bands; my life could have been easier.

Audioslave have a new album just released, Revelation. I’m not sure if Francis Reyes already featured this on his New Album Review on NU, hopefully not yet. I was able to listen to some of the tracks; politically charged lyrics. Maybe I’m still stuck to Chris Cornells’ Euphoria Morning that it took a while to accept that he is now “raging.”

Integral calculus is so sleep-inducing, huummm. Nyt.

Diary of a Faithful Urbandub Minion

I am a huge Urbandub fan for so long but it was only last week that I saw them played live. When Come from their Birth album was released several years ago, I became and instant Urbandub-convert. So when Rock U was set (sponsored by MISA-Ateneo) and I have no Saturday class the next day, it was such a sweet opportunity.

After three geological ages, my friend and I arrived at the venue. The venue was Dish which was quite good because the audio was perfect. There were several bands lined up for the night—Mojofly, Chicosci, Updharam Down, and of course Urbandub. The show started at 9:30, quite on time from their schedule. Two college bands played (Rugis and Spaceground?) They were good. One of the vocalists sounds like a cross between Audioslave and Pearljam without the angst. The place was full of hormonally-driven college kids. I think the average age of the crowd was 19, hah. What can I say, it served us right. I promised myself to be sober. I want to have this natural high. ChicoSci played first. I could still remember singing “Paris” at the top of my lunges many years ago, ‘Could I be so affected…will I stay on your mind, why am I so infected…” They were still known as ChicoScience before. God, their good and loud! I can’t believe that they played Paris (much to my delight), I felt like I just went out from college. I so love ChicoSci. They also played A Promise, one of my favorites. The crowd started huddling and jumping in front of the stage. Mojofly played next. Lougee is so enchanting on stage. They played the crowds’ favorite, Minamamalas, Tumatakbo, Mata, and this new Conditioner commercial jingle (which was okay because I’m using the same conditioner, hehehe). Updharma Down was the next one to play. I was able to watch their album launching produced by Terno production several months ago. They really played well. They have this distinct sound and style that is both catchy and peculiar. They’re one of the good bands that came out this year. I can’t wait for Urbandub to be on the stage. It’s more than two years that I had a real slam so I resolved to be near the stage and have a real slamming experience, nevermind if I wear a mini and a two-inch sandals. Nothing can stop me. After the sweet and slow anticipation, they came up the stage, loud and whole. To say that I was starstruck was an understatement. My mind went blank. They played several of songs, mostly from their Influence and Embrace album. The crowed was in a trance. They played Sailing, A New Tatoo, Frailty, Alert the Armory, Endless a Silent Whisper, Soul Searching, First of Summer, Safety in Numbers, etc…It was more than I expected. Everybody was ecstatic, high, and loud. If my memory serves me right, they played Alert the Armory first. My friend was already a bit tipsy but happy and well. We’re so lost in the songs. Somehow, Urbandub’s songs convey basic human thoughts and feelings, both transcending and mundane. And I am not being subjective. My feet were aching and my throat strained, but I can still last forever if only they had played more songs. So how can I end this? Maybe a line from their Endless, A Silent Whisper will sum up how good the night was.

“The world it turns with us
Hold me in closer, don’t let go of me
Now we close our eyes and let go to the night
The night we feel alive.”

My Mom was Here!

Rainy, Loud, and Not So Late

I was in dire need of something loud for months that when I heared that there’s this upcoming concert of local bands in tribute to the Apo Hiking Society, I took it as an opportune time. I was able to check a preview of that when Zack, a very good friend, texted me to watch ASAP on TV. The sala in the dorm was on its fullest during that portion. Due to sheer indolence or indecisiveness, I finally bought the ticket only on the day of the concert. Suffice it to say, we just make do of whatever obscure seats left available. I invited Zack to watch and I’m grateful he was interested to check out the concert too.

It was raining when we headed to the venue and Zack was soaking wet because of the rain. We’re supposed to buy a shirt but later decided that a strong aircon and a little projection will do the trick. Lots of people were already on the venue when we arrived but we waited for several minutes for the admission. I was there primarily for Chito, hehehe. Really good bands and my favorite ones were lined up for the night like Spongecola, Sandwich, Sugarfree, Parokya, etc. The Dawn was part of the tribute album and I was kinda disappointed that they did not play. As a perennial disease of local concerts, the show started late. After two geological ages, the show started. Parokya played first. What a good way to start the night. I could not believe that Chito and I were on the same roof I don’t know but the song Pumapatak connotes an entirely different meaning when Chito sung it, hehehe. Spongecola’s version of Nakapagtataka was so Spongecola-ish with Yael’s trademark voice and angst. He was somewhat out of breath after the song but it was a good performance. Sugarfree is one of the crowds’ favorite. They did a different twist of Batang-Bata that it sounds like it was truly their own composition. It sounds so good. Ebe is really one of the prolific musicians we have now. Of course, Orange and Lemons easily captured the hearts of the crowd with their Yakap sa Dilim. Haay. They have this way of making the song sounds like your hugging a very soft pillow in a rainy day. The musical arrangement was so soft to the ears. I was mesmerized by Drip’s version of Kabilugan ng Buwan. The voice and the beat were sexy and enchanting. I am a Barbie fan and I like the song When I Met You a lot but there was something wrong with the microphone when she sung. The vocals on some parts were hardly audible. Sandwich’s version of O ang Babae was okay. Awit ng Barkada of Itchyworms was also good. The showmanship added the flavor. Shamrock’s Paano was also good, it’s just that there was something wrong with the audio system that vibrated an annoying echo on the guitar. They should have checked it earlier. Blue Jeans of Rockstedy was okay. Imago did a different twist of Ewan, maganda. Of course, Kamikazee never fails to bring the house down. Hands down when it comes to showmanship. Doo Bidoo was great way to end the show. I am very partial to loud music. There were still lots of other bands played but could not remember well the line up. Zack’s favorite performer for the night was Sugarfree. We’re talking if Urbandub was considered to be a part of the album because they were visible in some interviews. But so was Martin Nievara. We dropped the topic. Apo made a very short appearance. After Kamikazee, people were still expecting for some bands to play but it was announced by myx VJ’s that the show was over. Zack was so into Heart Evangelista so I restrained my mouth from making comments. We headed home at around 10:30, which was early on my usual standard. But due to warning of eviction from the dorm, I abide by the rules.

A great show, a great company, on a rainy Friday night.

Grazie!

Gratitude is the language of the heart. Thank you Melai and Ron for helping me out in my Math Eco assignment. I'm specially touched for Melai's effort. She is not completely well yet she went extra mile for me. Madamo guid nga salamat.

Some moments of clarity

*I've been avoiding math all my life but it keeps on following me. I'm cursed. Is it because i am secretly in love with it? I have three chapters to read and i tried reading some pages last night but it was futile. Mindset, mindset.

*I'm supposed to graduate next sem but i still have another semester to go through. Want to finish this quick and clean so I could set a clear direction about my going home and staying there for good.

*Was everything worth it? Do I really have to learn my lesson the hard way? Was the road i took really a part of the obstacle challenge or could i have avoided it if i had been a little bit clever? Soliluqys.

*I owe my two friends a long letter. I used to write long letters before but somehow indolence keeps in the way.

*I've been listening to Dashboard Confessional's Dusk and Summer album. The album still sound sad and jaded. I think Dashboard Confessional is cursed for perpetual heartache.

*Life is a choice but somehow the choice is partially destined.

*I have much tolerance for persons with IQ problem but i can't stand conceit out of little knowledge.

Healthy in Paranoid Times

I'll be having my mid-year three-day vacation in a few weeks time and I have so much things to do but so little time. I miss home. I miss the serenity of the farm. I miss the mango tree in our sideyard. I miss the starry night on a clear summer sky. I miss deciphering clouds. I miss the MellonCollie and the Infinite Sadness record. I miss the feeling of being invincible that only youth can offer. Time is such a relative concept.

Few days ago, I had a coffee with a very good friend. We were just having this trivial conversation about relationships when out of nowhere, I cried. So it was like three times that I cried in public when I'm with him that I rushed to the comfort room to finish my pathetic stunt discretely. Looking back, it was not really pathetic. I feel like it was just one of those moments when my hormones are low that made my tear gland reacted so spontaneously. Oh well. It's good to be alive.
I saw this line from the site of Our Lady Peace, one of the good bands of my youth, "Healthy in Paranoid Times." How fitting.

Breathing Octavio

One of the poets that always leave me breathless is Octavio Paz. Paz is a Mexican poet who won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1990. He is also an essayist. His poetic corpus is nourished by the belief that poetry constitutes "the secret religion of the modern age." Got here three of my favorite poems that could suffice for one meal.

No More Cliches

Beautiful face
That like a daisy opens its petals to the sun
So do you
Open your face to me as I turn the page.

Enchanting smile
Any man would be under your spell,
Oh, beauty of a magazine.

How many poems have been written to you?
How many Dantes have written to you, Beatrice?
To your obsessive illusion
To you manufacture fantasy.

But today I won't make one more Cliché
And write this poem to you.
No, no more clichés.

This poem is dedicated to those women
Whose beauty is in their charm,
In their intelligence,
In their character,
Not on their fabricated looks.

This poem is to you women,
That like a Shahrazade wake up
Everyday with a new story to tell,
A story that sings for change
That hopes for battles:
Battles for the love of the united flesh
Battles for passions aroused by a new day
Battle for the neglected rights
Or just battles to survive one more night.

Yes, to you women in a world of pain
To you, bright star in this ever-spending universe
To you, fighter of a thousand-and-one fights
To you, friend of my heart.

From now on, my head won't look down to a magazine
Rather, it will contemplate the night
And its bright stars,
And so, no more clichés.



Between Going and Staying

Between going and staying the day wavers,
in love with its own transparency.
The circular afternoon is now a bay
where the world in stillness rocks.

All is visible and all elusive,
all is near and can't be touched.

Paper, book, pencil, glass,
rest in the shade of their names.

Time throbbing in my temples repeats
the same unchanging syllable of blood.

The light turns the indifferent wall
into a ghostly theater of reflections.

I find myself in the middle of an eye,
watching myself in its blank stare.

The moment scatters. Motionless,
I stay and go: I am a pause.

Stuck and Cursed

Time and again, traffic is one of the curses of the so-called civilization. Santolan to 20th Ave. would only take 15 min. on a clear road but on a chaotic 9 am road, it took me an hour. Added to the curse was manong driver's radio station that is the pinnacle of "ka-jologan". "Manong, pwede po palipat sa 107.5, NU?" He tried changing station for a while but his radio's frequency was seemingly stuck in ___#$. "Okay na lang po." I finally surrendered. I got an hour experience at Hades. So that was the start of my so-called thursday morning.

A Chronicle of IT Training Foretold (Just random thoughts, really)

In a few days time, the training will be over. I never thought i could survive the 130-day training given my so-chaotic schedule, but I did (thanks to coffee). It feels like finishing a very good book, you just feel so amazed that it's over. I remember the first day when i really thought the seminar would only last for a week and i had a shock of my life when i heard that it would last for three months or so, hah! I had some apprehensions at first because I imagined my classmates to be computer geeks who eat computer programs for lunch, and I hardly passed Wordstar back in College. But I learned later that i am not the one who is IT-challenged in the group. I felt relieved. My learnings are so many that i wish i could have much time practicing it. Everything is a matter of habit.

My classmates are weird mixture of humanity. Given the differences in language and culture, it was a very interesting group. I am just lucky, in a sense, that I could speak several dialects. They could not backbite me so easily, if its enough consolation, hehehe. We really blend so well, not only because of the weekly alcohol binge or downloading galore, or for the petty gambling (that leaves some broke for a week) but on the common passion to learn and to explore.

As the training about to end, I remember the feeling a day after a very big concert, I feel dazed. It's nice and sad at the same time. But everything has its ending. And this ending prompts us to a new beginning. The training, the friends i made, the learnings i gained(sometimes overloaded), all these experiences whether mundane or sublime, are all part of a cycle. And I can't wait for the next encounter.

The Strongest Link

Today, I learned that scientifically, cockroaches are superior creatures. They survived several evolutions, outlived the dinosaurs, but maintained their genealogy intact. I could never look at cockroach the same way again.

Caffeine-High 

Snickers and Scar Tissue

After three geological ages, when the dinosaurs became instinct and the apes evolved into a man, I finally went out of Room 9. I was isolated for two weeks there but it felt like forever. My infamous chickenpox finally subsided leaving me with scars and a deflated self-esteem. Room 9 is one of the empty rooms in the dorm with a reputation of hovering ghosts. I haven’t felt any disturbances whatsoever, thank you. I practically survived with a bunch of Urbandub CDs (they are one of the best pinoy bands now, I adore Urbandub), Mexican coffee (Tatay gave me when I went home), and several good books. I reread Great Expectations and David Cooperfield by Charles Dickens that my mindset became slightly British. I remember texting my friend, “I am ill now” from the usual “I’m sick.” I felt I was imprisoned because I was only given food and was not allowed to go out of the room until most of my dormates are already out for work. I never felt so isolated. The blisters were not so bad since the doctor gave me this medicine that costs P152 a tablet which I have to take six times a day for seven days. I was not only ugly with scars but broke at the same time. A cruel combination for this little vain world. My friends gave me lots of beauty advises to make the scars invisible. I bought three whitening creams and lots of Vitamin E. How vain can I get? Finally, I settled for the cheapest and the most philosophical advise, “your scars, among other things, will soon shall pass.”

Denden called me up and told me that they will be coming over from Iloilo for an interview in the embassy. She told me if I could fetch her in their hotel in Pasay so we could roam around. It felt so strange coming out of the sun after two weeks of hibernation. I feel like seeing the world in a different light. Hah! We watched Brokeback Mountain. It was a good movie. But since Denden is a sucker for happy endings (which most of the time an insult to ones IQ) she was a bit disappointed. She gave me lots of chocolates and I ate some while riding in the MRT that I practically fell in love with this wasted looking guy on my left. Hehehe. Is it love or is it Snickers with almonds? After i finished a pack of snickers and drank water; the saccharine high subsided, I looked at the wasted guy on my left again and I felt he was a cowboy from hell badly needing a haircut. See? It’s all in the brain, fellas. Love is a chemical. And you could eat only so much snickers.

Loud and Late

The show already started when we reach the Marikina shoe expo makeshift in Cubao. Blazing Bulalakaw, sir Alex's band, will be the 4th band to play for the night. the line-up was amazing. around 20 bands were there to support the album launching of Updharma Down. Word of mouth made the venue jampacked. It was not the usual bar set-up where bands play tired acoustic covers and yuppies discuss their usual yuppy craps. It was a gathering of indie bands (well, others already made it to the major labels) who just love to play original songs and share their music to all. After three high-schoolish bands played, Blazing Bulalakaw's entered the stage. one of the major set-backs of live shows is that it takes a while for the band to do sound check...wait...wait...wait. The songs were good. "Galeng," Dingdong and i agreed. Pedicab played next. It's Raymund Marasigan's side band. I love Pedicab! Maingay! Mahusay! By that time, most people are holding a can of san mig light, the mood was so tempting but because i made a promise earlier to be sober all night, i settled for a bottle of tropicana. Hah! One of our companions was so drunk that he kept on pestering me with questions like, "kau ba ni?" "naging kau ba ni?" It went on and on that i practically at wits end when i decided not to mind him. Ok, go ahead, keep on giving me imaginary boyfriends, for all i care...hehehe...

i only stayed until Parameta. it was 11:15 and i was practically going home late the previous nights that i opted to go home a bit early. I wish i stayed longer. Dingdong said i missed good bands like Radioactive Sago Project, Updharma, etc. it's ok, there's more to come.

that was my so-called saturday night.

Thinking about Saturday, that is, today...

I dropped my two MA subjects last week, Math Eco and Micro Eco, and still contemplating of dropping Managerial Eco as well. That would leave me dropping all my subjects this sem altogether. I'm burned out with the on-going IT Training in between my office work that i felt something has to give up for me to remain psychologically stable, as if i'm still is. I felt bad because i plan to finish graduate school in two years time so I could bum again. I need another vacation!


i was quite intrigued with Chapter 27, the new movie that chronicles the life of Mark David Chapman, the assasin of John Lennon. Chapter 27 is derived from a chapter in the Catcher in the Rye, one of my favorite books, which Chapman was clutching when he shot Lennon in the fateful day of December 8, along with the Double Fantasy album of John and Yoko. Jared Leto will play the role of Chapman with the added pounds. I love Jared Leto; even way back from his role as the wasted object of affection of Claire Danes in the tv series, My So-Called Life. God, that was a long time ago. I remember that was my favorite tv series, along with Fritze, in the late 90's. Hope it will be shown soon. It's so ironic how I got so interested with Chapman knowing that I am a die hard Beatles fan.

will be watching Sir Alex's gig later with Radio Active Sago Project and Up Darma Down. I promise to be sober...


...tomorrow again.